Real Men
by Seven-Bridges
Summary: Usopp, Luffy and Chopper play a game. Sanji decides to join in. Nakamaship


****_Well, I _should_ be working on 'Boundaries', but... oh well XD_

_Just a bit of fun, enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: Not owning One Piece, me.  
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><p><strong>Real men<strong>

It was a calm day on the Sunny.

Nami was working on a new map, the first of the New World and Robin read through a stack of newly acquired books, searching for information of the next poneglyth's whereabouts. Sanji sighed as he watched the calm sea. He still had hours until supper and without a lady to dote on, he felt practically lost on the large ship.

"Real men are proud warriors!" The cook's ears perked up as he heard Usopp's voice. Having not anything better to do, he threw his cigarette stump into the sea, pushed himself away from the Sunny's railing and searched for the voice's owner.

Finding said person sitting with Luffy and Chopper in the Sunny's soft grass, Sanji strolled over to them, taking in their serious expressions.

"What are you idiots doing?" the cook asked, one eyebrow raised at their graveness.

"We're are playing the 'Real Man' game," Luffy answered. He suddenly grinned broadly, owning him a disapproving glare by Usopp.

"This isn't a game, Luffy. We're discussing a pirate's manly manliness! Nothing is more important than this!" Usopp crossed his arms and nodded.

Chopper gasped as he looked at the liar in awe. "You're so smart, Usopp!"

Rolling his eyes, Sanji sat down between Chopper and Luffy, lighting another cigarette and taking a deep drag. "I guess I'll play along... no better man on this ship to show you guys what a _real_ man is supposed to be like!"

A snort from under one of the Sunny's trees told Sanji that the idiot swordsman was awake. He ignored him and the vein that began to throb faintly on his head.

"Alright, it's your turn then," Luffy said. He tried to fight the seriousness back onto his face but failed miserably.

Sanji took another deep drag. "Real men... treat women like diamonds," he said.

Usopp and Luffy groaned but didn't say anything. They didn't fancy a kick.

"My turn! My turn!" Chopper exclaimed excitedly, he stood up and puffed out his chest. "Real men don't wear make-up." The little reindeer blushed when Usopp and Luffy cheered a chorus of 'hear, hear!'.

"This doesn't make me happy at all, you bastards!" he said, wriggling while being obviously pleased.

The vein on Sanji's head increased its throbbing as repressed memories of hell resurfaced. He didn't like the direction this was going _at all._

Luffy grinned when Usopp told him it was his turn. His grin faded when he twisted his forehead in deep thought. "Real men... don't wear frills!"

Sanji crushed his cigarette between his teeth. Memories of a pink dress, terrifying thrills on hem and neck line appeared before his inner eye. He began to shudder.

"Sanji! I told you it's not healthy to smoke but _eating_ the cigarettes is even worse! Spit it out!"

The cook coughed as a suddenly large hand hit his back, making him cough and spit out a crushed stump.

"Shishishishishi! You're such an idiot!"

If Sanji had been able to breath probably, he would give his captain a good kick but as it was, the cook settled for a menacing glare.

"My turn," Sanji said through gritted teeth. "Real men... walk through the depths of hell and come back alive."

Chopper and Usopp shuddered at Sanji's grave voice, while Luffy nodded approvingly.

"It's your turn again, Chopper."

"R-Real men... " the reindeer began to stutter under Sanji's glare. "... d-don't... wear... wigs?"

Chopper squeaked and jumped up when Sanji suddenly burst into flames. Running with all his mind, he tried to escape the cook's snatching hands.

Luffy laughed while Usopp looked at the spectacle in disbelieve. "What on earth is wrong with him?"

"I bet the pervy cook is a closet okama," Zoro said behind Usopp who jumped up in surprise.

"Ah, Zoro! Wanna play, too?" Luffy asked his first mate who grinned wolfishly in return.

"Sure, why not?" he turned to the blonde still chasing their terrified emergency food supply. "Oi, ero cook! Real men don't wear pink aprons!"

The fight that followed turned half of the Sunny into shatters. Franky cried as he took in the damage, Robin patting him sympathetically on the back.

"REAL MEN DON'T DESTROY THEIR PRECIOUS SHIP!" Nami roared afterwards, beating Zoro and Sanji to a pulp.

Usopp, Luffy and Chopper stared at her in awe and declared Nami the manliest man ever.


End file.
